YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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