a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
