sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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