i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize