All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
