You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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