So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
