I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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