Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
