Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You pole danced in your parka.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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