I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
BRING THE BAGELS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
