Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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