What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
