I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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