please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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