its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
and you fell through a lawn chair
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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