just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
