I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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