well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
