My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
