gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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