he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize