i permit you to call me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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