I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
