they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
