I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
