What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
