you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were trust falling into bushes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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