I hate your face
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
