omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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