I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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