Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
