Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
