i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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