Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
