She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
