the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
