I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
