theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
