I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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