so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
