Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
