You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
