I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
