we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
