New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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