And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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