Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize