Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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