another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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