I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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