it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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