i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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