Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
