his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
