They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
