god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
