my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
