garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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