I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
