I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
