Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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