I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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