Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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