Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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