So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
