EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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