I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
