he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
