All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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