i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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