TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Even my vagina gasped.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
