fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
