She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
