WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
