I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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