I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
