Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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