hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
