Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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