haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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