What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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