Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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