Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
