Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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