Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize