So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
