I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
