i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
